New Company Spokesperson, Moose, Off to Quiet but Effective Start

New Company Spokesperson, Moose, Off to Quiet but Effective Start

Big news over here at Headquarters.  After an exhaustive screening process I’ve hired Moose to be the new company spokesperson.  Many strong candidates across the nation made the final cut, but I ultimately decided to hire from within.

Moose has held two previous positions with the firm.  The first position was “Official Scapegoat.”   In his younger years Moose performed this position flawlessly, allowing me and the rest of the staff to easily blame him for just about anything going wrong.  Shredded paper towels in the conference room — must be Moose.  Special surprise on the hallway floor — must be Moose.  I saw  massive potential in Moose and quickly promoted him to “Security Screening” within a year, where he performed quick “sniff screens” of anyone coming into the  office environment.  Over time I learned that security was probably not the best fit for Moose, as there were several times he simply slept right through the day, with little attention to any visitors.  He needed something more stimulating.

I’ve decided that this new position, Company Spokesperson, fits better with Moose’s personality and skill set.  He’s one of those individuals that can just look at you, and then leaves it to you to know exactly what he means.   Even through relative silence I learn from Moose every day.  Like when he is outside the office and I call his name and ask him to join the rest of the staff inside and he just looks at me.  It’s that look, where I know he is telling me something, but he’s not just going to give it away.  He wants me to work for it, to figure it out on my own.  Moose understands the lessons I will learn in trying to figure out what he really means.  Does he want some sort of cookie, does he want me to talk in a high pitched sing song manner, or does he want me to show some dignity and just shut the door to leave him to his own?  Moose is simply a master at triggering the internal probing process that causes me to question every thing I say and do.

I’ve got high expectations for Moose — not in just the literal sense knowing that when I’m on the couch with the laptop Moose  will be standing high on the back of the coach sniffing in my ear, or that he will walk high on top of the kitchen table helping to clear the area after a company lunch.  I’m talking about someone that can guide this business into the future.   I’m not exactly sure how this “guiding process” will materialize, but Moose and the rest of the company plan to have several company retreats and team building sessions to distill the perfect vision for the business.  I plan to keep our clients informed of Moose’s progress.

A spokesperson of few words, yes, but when Moose does speak, I intend to be there to listen. I know it will be good.

Moose’s former job roles have been filled.   Blue is performing the Security Screening flawlessly.  In addition to alerting the office when visitors approach (or even upon hearing the motor of the UPS truck), Blue also makes sure we know when the phone rings by making a loud howling sound to mimic the ring tone each and every time.  It’s great.  He’s doing such a wonderful job that I may be transferring him to our branch location — the “Farm.”

Boomer Company Scapegoat

Company Scapegoat


As for the Official Scapegoat, we’ve taken a more budget conscious approach to filling that position.

I have decided to share that role with Boomer.  Between the two of us, we’ve got all areas of blame well covered.

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